Self-confidence is something everyone battles with. Even the most confident do have days when they have very little self believe. Insecurities about our physical image, our abilities and achievements can improve. In this post, I share with you a 6 step guide to building self-confidence. These steps require mental preparedness and physical actions that would help combat insecurities and build on our strengths. Before we get going, it is ideal that we have a look at some definitions. The term self- confidence is often used interchangeably with self- esteem and although these words are somewhat similar in practice, they do refer to two distinct things. According to Healthy Place,
“Self–esteem refers to how you feel about yourself overall; how much esteem, positive regard or self-love you have. Self–esteem develops from experiences and situations that have shaped how you view yourself today. Self- confidence is how you feel about your abilities and can vary from situation to situation”. Healthy Place
Desist from Social Media Comparisons
I feel that this deserves a number one on our list. We live in a period where there is a redefinition of what real is. Where the narrative on the factual, is reliant on a warped idea that society has ardently established as the status quo. Truthfully, we can hardly tell the real apart from the unreal sometimes. We cannot be reminded enough that human beings come in different shapes, with rolls of skin, without rolls of skin, with a belly, without a belly, with big bosoms and without big bosoms. These variations are all normal and beautiful in their own right. However societal projections of ideal beauty has clouded our thinking and has become the cause of many unnecessary mental health problems among our youth.
Beauty has become so associated with superficial things. However, the word beauty has both physical and perceptual connotations. It denotes quality, good, wonder and excellence. If you look at it that way, then how beautiful is creation in itself! Look at how our bodies we sometimes consider ugly, heals itself when we are unwell. Look at how the different parts of our bodies function, think about how our imagination works. Trust me, we have a bigger purpose on this earth than to dwell in vanity. So the fact that the world has placed a focus on a definition of beauty and defined features that are considered beautiful doesn’t mean it’s the fact. The standards of beauty in this word differ in places and is also dependent on which celebrity is trending at a given moment. Why would we focus our attention on a standard that is this fleeting? An absolute waste of time and energy.
How we feel about ourselves differ each day. We have all suffered this fate and that is absolutely normal. There are days when I wake up in the morning and look myself in the mirror and I’m filled with shock horror at what is staring back at me. There are also days that I look at my image in the mirror and think to myself girl, you look fabulous and no one can tell you nothing! The interesting thing about these two different days is that, it is the same image that is staring back at me (unless of course there is something physiologically different from usual), the difference is the mind-set. How we feel and what we think about do have a bearing on how we see ourselves. Sometimes it is not just about how we look but what we think about ourselves and our ability to succeed in our lives.
“Conditioning my mind to ward off the negative is a practice I espouse, the very catalyst that speeds up my growth in building self- confidence. Positive affirmations that reinforce our worth are mental exercises that help us embrace our inner strength to overcome negativity”- Marianne Nambu.
My favourite affirmations include:
- I am worthy of love,
- Good things come to me,
- I have a heart full of gratitude and
- I succeed in whatever I do.
I Know how ridiculous it is to recite words to yourself, but think about the benefits it has had for many. Find a private place and recite audibly your positive affirmations until you believe them. The mind is a receptor, feed it with positive things and that is what will be the truth that guides your believes and actions. I use an app on my phone that reminds me to do my affirmations and also has a list of positive affirmations to choose from in such categories as health, wealth and stress. You can download it for free on both Android and Apple app stores.
Know Your Strength
We all excel at different things. Sometimes we get so drawn to what others are excelling at to determine what we do, which results in us struggling fruitlessly and leading us to self-destructive thoughts and behaviour. By all means, try new ventures to see where your strength is at, but if something doesn’t work even though we have tried it a 1000 times, maybe it is a clue to change the strategy. Let’s face it, not everyone is great at calculus but they may be amazing at public speaking or perhaps writing, makeup or outfit styling. We all have our strengths and talents. We need to stop focusing on others to focus on ourselves to know who we are.
Listen to people who have your goodwill at heart. Associate yourself with people who are driven, do forget about negative people and surround yourself with people who inspire you. When you find these people, ask them to tell you who they think you are and what your strengths are. As I previously said, we are sometimes side-tracked by what others are doing and do not have the time to learn who we are. Have you ever realised, that sometimes people seem to know you more than you know yourself? Notice how when you complain to people about your insecurities, they usually seem surprised and starts to tell you how good you are and how worst their situation may be? This is the point where you listen. First, you may learn things about you that you never realised and second, the lesson is that whether it is true in the particular situation or not, someone always has it bad than you do. Pick yourself up and soar!
Remove Negative Labels
Humans have formed the habit of labelling everything. Although it may be good in certain situations, it becomes totally destructive in other cases. The interesting thing about labelling is that it isn’t always what others do to us, but what we do to ourselves. Labelling ourselves incapable, indecisive, ugly, fat, too tall, too short, boring, lack lustre etc. gets ingrained in our being and leads us to fulfil self-destructive prophecies which are killers of our self- confidence. If you want to be confident, act the part. Body language and speaking with clarity are characteristics that denote confidence. When we cower behind muffled word, we give off a sense of unsureness. Self- confidence makes us beautiful, if you find yourself and own it, you will perhaps be the new standard of beauty for someone else.
My little suggestion in removing labels from ourselves is to take each label and dissect it. Write down everything you think that
you do that justifies that label being placed on you and find out what actions will lead to removing those characteristics. Identify your weaknesses and work on them. For example, if you suffer with laziness finding the motivation to be productive, make a physical effort to follow a well-planned ‘to do’ list. Organise your life and make the effort to stick to a routine. Simply, (well not so simply), envision your ideal situation and work towards achieving it. But always remember to take small steps and not to be inordinately ambitious, that could overwhelm you and break you down even more. You can check out my previous post on 5 Key Ways To Stay organised for some ideas.
6 Step Guide To Boost Your Self- Confidence
I am beautiful, You are beautiful, We all are beautiful
Comment below what makes you beautiful. I am open to be enamoured with how amazing you all are in your different ways.
Love Marianne xx
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